Embrace the Process

Have you ever wondered why God has led you down the roads you've traveled on? Why have you worked the jobs you've worked? Why are you attending the college you're attending (or did attend..or have never attended)? Why do you have deeply rooted relationships certain people? Or for the sake of my blog, why have you traveled to the places you've been?

For whatever reason, I have been missing Uganda like crazy these past two weeks or so, and instead of driving my friends up the wall talking about it, I figured I would go ahead and write a new post and share my thoughts with whoever is interested in reading them. I have been able to talk to a few of my friends who I studied abroad with in Uganda and they, too, are feeling that gut twisting homesickness for the place we all consider a home away from home. It's a hard feeling to explain if I'm being honest. I sometimes wake up thinking I smell Momma Katherine's chapati cooking over the charcoal stove. When walking to class, I often look down and realize I'm not actually walking on those dusty red dirt roads and I'm not breathing in the heavily heated Ugandan air dodging boda bodas. After cooking dinner, I sometimes whisper, "wabale kafumba" (thank you for cooking) to myself and chuckle a bit. My roommates will call me from another room and I often want to yell, "WANGIIIIIII?!!!" just like my host siblings used to do. It's those small things that creep into my mind that always make me sit back and think for a moment just how much of an impact Uganda has on my life.

So I go back to my questions. Why have I traveled down the roads I've been on? Last night I was alone in my apartment sobbing like a baby in awe of how wonderfully my Father has knitted my life together (and I'm not usually a crier, so this was a big deal). In just a short while I'm going to be graduating college and a whole new window of opportunity is going to open up for me. Where will this road lead me? To be honest, I have no idea. What I do know is that each and every road, each and every bump, downhill fall and uphill climb has a very specific purpose for where I'm going. As I rest in those moments when Ugandan experiences fill my mind, I remind myself not of the homesick emotions that try and take over, but of the opportunities and revelations those experiences are opening up for me. The Lord has promises sealed in His heart for me. He has them for all of us (2 Corinthians 1:22). Sometimes it's a challenge to put all our trust in Him, but He is a constant and faithful God who has yet to let me down.  Life isn't necessarily about where we've been. It's about where we're going, and where we're going gives us the potential to see beautiful promises from our Father come to life before your very eyes.

To my USP family, remember the Faith and Action cliche be present? We shouldn't forget about that. Being present means all of our attention is in the here and now. If in the here and now you miss Uganda, then allow yourself to miss Uganda, but I encourage you not to allow it consume you because our time there has such a greater purpose than simply dwelling on the past. Be present in your own life. Enjoy the journey of today. Enjoy the process of reflection, look ahead to the promises of your future and live today knowing that God has His soft, tender hands wrapped around your heart. He is incredibly in love with you and wants more than anything for you to step into your destiny with Him.

Why have we been where we've been? Why have certain people had such an impact on our lives? Because God's love for us is magnificent. It's zealous. It's mind-blowing. It's more than we can comprehend. It's faithful and worthy of our trust. There is always more of it and God is more than willing, in fact, He is yearning! to pour it out over you. The promises God has over your life are found in the process, and if you embrace the process, the promises will embrace you.

 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up;

do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

Ps. If any of you need prayer or want to talk about the process of your journey please feel free to contact me :) I would LOVE to talk to you!


**SEVEN SECOND VERSION!
Why are you where you are? God loves you, that's why! Embrace the journey and know that your future is going to be amazing when your trust is in God.

The Journey of a Thousand.

The saying goes, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." I'm going to take it a step further (pun intended), and say, "The journey of eternity begins with one cry of longing for Father God." 

It's been about seven years since I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, and ironically, it's been about seven months since I first stepped onto African soil. Everyday since my return from Uganda on May 2nd, my thoughts somehow dwindle back to my home in that far away place. The more the days go on, the more I want to talk about my experiences, the more I want to hold onto the memories. It seems to me, though, that the honeymoon stage of being home is fairly over. I feel as though my stories don't want to be heard as much, and most of the stories I have left to share are the ones most special to me. I find it hard to share those stories because I think I fear that no one would understand or receive them or fully grasp the emotions behind the story. Rightly so, though. Uganda is special to me and to those who shared in that time with me. Uganda isn't as near and dear to my family and friends, and it would be plain selfish of me to expect everyone to sit at my feet while I tell stories of a place so foreign and strange to them.

From my first step in Uganda on January 3rd, the journey of a thousand miles began. In my heart, I know that this thousand mile journey is going to be the longest thousand miles of my life. My Uganda journey isn't over. Being back at home, living with my family longer than two weeks in the last two years, isn't easy. So often I wish I could quit and hop on the next plane to Africa. Then I remember the multiple times I wanted to quit in Uganda, too. I remember how it was those moments that made me stronger. It was those moments that refocused my vision. It was those moments that made my experience completely worth it. I have learned the moments that look most difficult, the moments that seem the driest, the moments that have you hanging onto the last thread, are the moments when Daddy God whispers, "Let go, my beloved. I will always catch you."

From one step and a thousand miles to one cry of longing and eternity...

The magnificent thing is that these two concepts or ideas are entangled. When the love of God invades your soul, you begin to live thousand mile journeys from the perspective of life eternal. This brings me to today. I thought my blogging days would end when I returned home, but I'm realizing that I still have much to share and I still feel the Holy Spirit leading me to do so. While I am no longer in Uganda, I still believe I am on that journey. I know I am. For God has given me a job this summer I know I would could not handle had He not sent me abroad.

This summer I am working at a camp with individuals with disabilities. It is a pilot year for the program I am working for so everything and everyone is new, and I have never worked for a program as such. I was a bit nervous going into it, but I knew in my heart God had prepared such a place for me. I work with three co-workers and four children with severe mental disabilities. I would be a complete liar if I said my summer was fantastic because it is far from it. Not only am I still dealing with re-adjustment issues from returning to the states, but I'm working in such a foreign environment with teenagers who have disabilities that I've never experienced one on one before. This summer is very difficult and extremely challenging. At the same time, I would be a complete liar if I told you I went to bed stressed out and exhausted every night. The truth is that I go to bed feeling extremely blessed and excited for the day to come.

Being home is a strange feeling. Work is hard. But every morning, I wake up early enough to spend quality time with my Lord and Savior. Every morning He reminds me that I am His cherished daughter, seated in the heavens with Him (Ephesians 2:6). He reminds me that my circumstances have no affect on His love for me, nor do my circumstances have to have any affect on how His love shines through me. He reminds me that my life is not my own and that I belong to Him. He reminds me that I have a choice on how I want to perceive me day. I have the option of living from the Kingdom. I have the ability to call forth His presence in any and all situations, and He will come in all His love, joy, tranquility and grace. It's a beautiful, beautiful reminder.

When I lived in Uganda God showed me how much He adores ALL His children, no matter the culture, no matter their abilities. He ignited that love in my heart, and this summer I get to allow that love to pour through me. When I find myself doubtful or on edge at work, Holy Spirit tells me to look into the eyes of my students and I don't ever look away without getting a glance of Christ's Spirit deep within them. My students are non-verbal and two of them can't walk, but I know Father God is in awe of them. I look at them and can't help but smile and pray the Lord's love over them with the hope and faith that they feel the Spirit in ways they can feel no other thing.

Father God is so incredibly good. He is so incredibly faithful. I still have to remind myself that my time in Uganda wasn't a dream. It was SO real. Ya know, this journey we call life is quite a trip. Seven years ago, I made the choice to continue my trip with God in my heart. Now I not only receive journeys of a thousand miles, but I receive the journey through eternity. With God, not one step goes to waste. All steps are uniquely and intricately woven together to create a divine path called destiny. I believe we all have one and we all have a faithful loving God waiting for us to reach out to Him. This is but a small yet large, very simple yet complex testimony of God's faithfulness.

Here's an honest statement: For the first time in my life, I don't know the next step for my destiny. It's a scary thing for me. I've ALWAYS known the next step..or had a pretty good idea what it was going to be. But what I do know is that my times are in the hands of a God who will never let me fall. I do know that more than anything I want to see God's kingdom invade every heart beating on this earth and raise every dead spirit. I know that the earth is covered in God's fabric of love and more than anything I want to minister and share that love with all people. I may see my life dimly at the moment but I know darn well God's will and God's way for my life has got to be brilliant. Everyday He blows me away. I have an eternal journey ahead of me, and that's an incredible promise to hold onto.

My prayer for all of you is that you take each step of a thousands miles and ask God to show you how it looks from the eternal perspective. It's a beautiful thing, I'll tell ya that much :) If you haven't cried out for God, invite Him in. If you're feeling dry, ask for a drink from the living waters. Allow Daddy God to awaken a love in you more ravishing and extravagant than any love you have ever felt. Pour out your desires on Him and then go read Ephesians 3:20.

From eternity, God dreamed of you. From eternity, He loves you completely.



SEVEN SECOND VERSION!
God is faithful. God is kind. Ask Him for a perspective shift and see your life anew!

So Now What?

I have been contemplating whether I should go head and post one final blog on the aftermath of my Uganda experience, or if I should let it be as it is. My grandfather had mentioned he was hoping I would have posted just one more because he felt like something was missing. So I prayed about it, and I felt Holy Spirit siding with my grandfather. For one last hoorah, here is (most likely) my final blog post.

I have officially been home for a week and one day. During my last few weeks in Africa, I spent time in Rwanda learning about the 1994 genocide, the reconciliation process and the beautiful vision for the country's future. That experience in itself deserves its own blog topic, but I'd rather keep that experience to myself and share as I'm asked or led. For my final days back in Uganda, I spent hours with my amazing peers and staff discussing re-entry back to the good ol' US of A. We were warned about reverse culture shock and had the opportunity reflect on the last four months of our lives, thinking deeply about the good moments, the bad moments and our spiritual journey. One question they warned us about on re-entering was the ever-so-famous, "How was Africa?!" As a statement to all of you, that is an EXTREMELY loaded question and one I quite frankly do not have to answer to. I have no idea how Africa was or is. I have seen only a slight piece of the puzzle of Africa, but of course when I'm asked that famous question I don't respond with an, "I don't know" or "Are you nuts?! I have no idea how Africa is you dummy!" Instead I have landed on this response, "Africa? I'm not sure, but have you ever ridden a roller coaster? My experience in Uganda was kind of like that. There were many ups and downs, twists and turns but I rode the ride with my hands up. I had the time of my life!" Indeed, I had the time of my life.

I just spent the last few minutes reading back through on all my previous blog posts, and I'm realizing that writing this one isn't so easy. It's one more end to my experience that I have to face. It's a harsh reality, yet I'm realizing it's also serving as another beginning to a new season and time in my life. So now what do I do? I have to remind myself that the last four months of my life were real and I wasn't in some cave hibernating and dreaming of a foreign place. I walked the red dirt roads. I ate mass amounts of bananas. I became part of a new family. I went to school and had some ridiculously great, ridiculously bad and some straight up ridiculous experiences. In short I think I have to do three things.

First, I have asked the Holy Spirit to help me store these last four months in a treasure chest and keep them locked up in my heart. I am the key holder and I know that at anytime, I will be able to open that chest and look upon the treasure inside. I will be able to take out some of those treasures and share them with others. I will be able to keep in the box what I feel needs to be kept in the box. Most importantly, I will be able to open the chest at any time and look back on those treasure pieces and thank my Father for the precious gifts He has given me. After all, "every good and perfect gift is from above," (James 1:17) and I am beyond blessed by all the good and perfect gifts inside my heart.

Second, I have to move on. I have to move on, but I do not have to forget. As I said, I am the key holder to my treasure chest of blessings. I believe my time in Uganda was a time of commissioning. Remembering how I got to Uganda, I am reminded that God had called me there. "For such a time as this." Of that, I am 100% confident. Even during the first half of my semester where I spent more time crying than I have in my entire life, I never doubted God's voice calling me to that place at that time. Words of gratitude cannot be expressed to all of you who sent prayers my way during that time. In part, they served as fuel to keep my pressing into the Lord's heart. There is not one moment I have of regret. For whatever reason, it was written in the books that I would study abroad in Uganda and I doubt not that God has a brilliant reason for doing so. I have been commissioned to fulfill the rest of my destiny in Him. Uganda has become a part of me and I am ready to break through the walls of that experience, store the treasures in my chest and dance my way through the rest of life's journey.

Finally, I have to put to practice what I have learned. This has and probably will be my biggest challenge simply because I have learned A LOT. I have learned about poverty and development, compassion, American identity, crossing cultures, community and smaller things such as how to chop vegetables correctly and hand wash my clothes. Apart from those things, I believe the biggest lesson I have learned is a lesson that goes far deeper than the words of this post. I believe the biggest lesson I have learned is a lesson in perception. I have learned that how you perceive yourself and how you perceive the circumstances you find yourself in is detrimental to the outcome of your life's journey and walk with Christ. It's the perspective of the Kingdom that gives you the best outlook. First, it's important to know you're a child of God and if He doesn't have you wrapped in in the comfort of His hands, He has a tight grip on your back so you don't fall. Second, Colossians 3:2 tells us to keep our eyes on things above, not things of the earth. In my experiences, bed bugs are of the world. I learned not to focus on those. Sickness is of this world. I learned not to focus on that. On the other hand, Jesus died on the cross and claimed victory for all the ages to come. I have learned to put on the lens of victory and view my life from that perspective. I can't lose if victory has already been won, and my circumstances do not have to dictate my life. If I am choosing to be a child of God, I learned I better start acting like His daughter. Thankfully for me, that means I have a choice to choose joy and a choice to rejoice in ALL situations. So many days and moments throughout my time in Uganda have been shaped by that lens. It's a whole new way of life when you choose to side on God's victory. It's a life of unending joy and receptivity to God's freely given gifts.

Being home, I ironically get a feeling of homesickness quite often. I wake up some mornings and wonder what happened to my mosquito net or the roosters outside (despite the fact that I wanted to strangle those things most mornings!). During the day, I miss the craziness of my friends and the stillness of being present in Uganda. I find myself cringing inside when I hear complaints about the shower water not being hot enough or the grocery store being out of a certain kind of cereal. "If only they knew.." I think to myself. Overall, the opportunity to spend four months studying abroad in Uganda was a humbling experience and a gift of many treasures that I would love to share deeper with anyone wanting to listen. So now what? Now I set my fears, worries and obstacles on the side of the road and walk the path of victory all while holding tight the key to my chest of goodness.

As a final "pull-it-all-together," my URL link is entitled pslam27thirteen. So...
Psalm 27:13, "I remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

I have but tasted and seen the slightest goodness of the Lord while in Uganda. I am so ready to share those riches with you (I am home all summer, so don't be afraid to contact me!) and beyond ready to taste and see the goodness in store for me. Like David, a man after God's heart, I too am yearning for more of Him. My confidence lies in Christ Jesus and I'll be darned if I don't see more of His crazy love in this world.

With my love and an abundance of thankfulness, I pray that God may bless you all in return for your prayers, thoughts, cards and packages that brought so many smiles and encouraging moments to me. To all my friends and family in Uganda this remains: one faith, one hope, one love...forever in my heart.



Seven Second Version!
I'm back in 'Murica and I am beyond blessed by my experiences in Uganda. Wanna hear more? Get in touch with me!




Here's a quick run down of a very few of my favorite moments!

"My Father Betrayed Me," but LOVE NEVER FAILS!

In just two weeks, I will be leaving for Rwanda to spend 10 days learning about the genocide that occurred there in the 1990s. From Rwanda I will spend 2 days debriefing the semester at a guest house in Uganda, and then I will be flying home. This may be my last blog post due to not having internet access, so I want to leave you with some of the thoughts and emotions I am sifting through as I prepare to face an old yet very new reality back home in good old Pottsville, Pennsylvania.

What do you say to a little girl who tells you to take her back to America with you as she willingly has no problems leaving her family behind, if she in fact does have a family? What do you say to a young woman who asks for your left over clothes and tells you she feels betrayed by her father because he promised her a good life yet can’t provide food for supper? What do you say to the little children who just told you how they were abandoned and left on the streets to fend for themselves, some at the age of four years old? What do you say to your host family when you tell them you won’t get malaria because you buy medicine to protect yourself while your host cousin is in the back bedroom with the exact disease you’re protected from? What do you say to your roommate when she tells you she’s having a bad day because someone made a comment about her dead brother? What do you say to the people of a nation who witnessed their family and neighbors being hacked to death by machetes during a 100 day genocide?

I have in fact faced all of those encounters. I don’t know what it’s like to live a poor lifestyle. I don’t know how it feels to be betrayed. I can’t empathize with my roommate because I have my entire family, with good health, waiting for me to come back to our home. I can’t begin to fathom what it was like for the people of Rwanda during the genocide when their flesh and blood was being murdered in masses, inside of churches, thousands of bodies rotting in the streets. I have never suffered. I have found myself looking into the ugliness of life, but I have never lived in its midst. I have an escape. I get to walk away knowing I have a home, a safe, healthy place waiting for me. I get to walk away knowing I am part of a country, part of a culture, where there’s more than enough. I get to walk away.

How do I process that? Is there any blame on my behalf for the life I’ve been living in America? I spent three months living out of a suitcase. I’ve been bathing in a bucket, the same bucket I use to wash the seven outfits I’ve been wearing for the past three months, and I still have more than enough.

A young girl said to a friend of mine, “I can’t do miracles because my skin isn’t your color. You can do miracles because your skin is white. Your skin is better than mine.” I saw a child about the same age as my little sister back home who was playing on a dirt bank naked as a button, and as she slid down the bank the dirt covered her bare behind. A young boy asked me for 3,000 shillings (about $1.50) just so he could afford primary school. How do I handle these situations? What’s the best way to respond? There’s a bit of shame and guilt that fills in my heart, but I know those emotions are not mine to bear. I have to do something, but what do I do?

I question how I’m supposed to react to these things. I question how I’m supposed to act once I get back home when just thinking about stepping foot into Wal-Mart gives me anxiety. I question myself with how I’m supposed to relay all I’ve experienced that are found under the surface level happenings of my trip. Uganda is beautiful and God’s presence is here. There are happy children and not all of them are starving. There are medical clinics and homes for the orphaned children that are run beautifully, but that doesn’t mean life is all palm trees and monkeys around every corner.

Giving money to the beggars isn’t the solution. Telling the hungry child that God is with them doesn’t satisfy the hunger in their stomachs. Feeling sorry for the sick and wishing they had better health services isn’t going to solve anything. I question what the solution is. What can I do? How do I respond? As I spend time pressing into the Lord’s heart, I can only think of one thing: love. I believe the best place to launch is to set fire to the world through the love of Christ. Compassion. That’s the ticket..or so I believe. Our words do carry power, but sometimes actions truly do speak louder than words, especially when the orphaned child doesn’t speak English. For whatever reason, God has given me the life I have, yet that does not mean he loves me anymore or any less than the homeless HIV patient.  Throughout the gospels, Jesus was filled and moved with compassion. He laid hands on the lepers and met with the woman at the well who wasn’t seen as worthy. Who am I not to do the same? I am not too good to hold the hand of the woman with AIDS or to hug the small child who just crawled out of the slums. The material things my American culture has given me are not going to change the world. While I believe those blessings have been given for a reason, they are not the end all and be all. I believe the correct response is to live a servant’s life loving humbly and furiously. Please read the definitions of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It has become my challenge to walk in that love and to remember that love never fails.

It is going to take me a long time to process all I’ve experienced during the last couple of months. Love may or may not be the answer, but that’s the conclusion I have come to so far. I want to share my experiences. I want you to know the good, the bad, the ugly and all the joyful things I’ve experienced. I’m an open book and I promise not to hold anything back! I will freely and gladly share whatever you ask me to share, but I only ask that you take what I say with a grain of salt because my experiences are solely based on a 4 months’ time during a study abroad trip. I didn’t come here on a missions trip and 4 months is not nearly enough time to sum up all of Africa, let alone Uganda. I only know in part. There is much for me to share and I am more than willing to make time for you, and I’m sure as I continue to process, I will have even more insight for you in the time to come.

So what do you say to the little girl who tells you to take her back to America with you? Or to the woman who feels betrayed by her own father? Or to the sick and hungry? I believe you say nothing. You hold the child’s hand while you walk down the street and you hug the young woman. You sit among the sick and hungry and when it’s time to say good-bye you leave with the hope and faith that God’s love has already overcome.

 

SEVEN SECOND VERSION!

To solve pain, sickness and suffering, I believe loving humbly is the answer. If you want to hear about Uganda, holler at me! Actually you should probably facebook me or something because I don’t think I could hear you hollering at me all the way in Uganda. Hopefully I’ll get to talk to you soon! Blessings!

Everyday Blue Skies and Rainbows

Eighty two. Eighty two days I have been in Uganda. Thirty five. Thirty five days until I leave Uganda and head back home to the US of A. One hundred and seventeen. One hundred and seventeen days is the exact number of days I will have spent in Uganda. In the long scheme of things, I wonder how long one hundred and seventeen days really is in comparison with the rest of my life. While at times it feels like forever and a day, I really don't think it's a long time at all. In fact, I believe these one hundred and seventeen days are serving as a commissioning time. They're preparing me for my future and the numerous days to come. I have learned to enjoy the present, taking life day by day, enjoying every moment. I know God's plan for my life is brilliant, and right now I am marveled by my journey thus far.

I have been requested to share with you all the happenings of my every day life. In case you were not aware, about a month ago I had to move out of my host family's home and move onto campus. That was a very emotional time for me because I came into this program expecting to spend all four months with my family. The concept of family is very close to my heart, and while my family in America is everything to me, I discovered I have been blessed with an amazing family in Uganda. It wasn't easy to move onto campus, but as always, God works all things out for the good.
I am living with a beautiful Ugandan woman named Hilda in Florence Dorm on campus. We're slowly learning about each other and I am getting to experience different aspects of Ugandan culture. The adjustment was more difficult than I imagined and campus life is completely different from life with a host family, but I am proud to say I have gotten the best of both worlds.

Every morning I wake up around 6:45, get myself dressed and head to the track with my friend Carissa to get a morning run in. As we struggle to wake ourselves up and fat kid jog around the track, we get to inhale the nice fresh Ugandan air, and by nice and fresh I mean the smell of the sanitation plant located near the far corner of the track. Mmmm! I also find myself getting dizzy as I have to keep my eyes on the ground for fear of falling in a hole or slipping on the red mud. For anyone watching us, we probably look like circus animals! All is good though..we get a lot of laughs each morning! After our run, we head to the dining hall, or the "DH," for some breakfast. Breakfast consists of milk tea and 2 slices of hard bread. Butter is spread only on one side of the bread, so I you just dip the other piece into the tea and add some flavor. Tuesdays and Thursdays we get a hard boiled egg and a roll..with no butter, but still, the egg is a nice treat! After breakfast, we head back to the dorms, take a cold breath-taking shower and get ready for class.

Depending on the day I have anywhere from zero classes to three classes. In general the classes here are much easier than classes at Messiah, but I feel I am learning more during my semester here than I have during my time at Messiah. I am learning more about life as a whole rather than text book facts. Tuesdays and Thursdays there's community worship for about an hours starting around 12 (African time). At 1:00, lunch is served. Rice is served at every meal besides breakfast. Sometime there's mashed, cooked bananas at lunch, but not always. There's a food called posho which I find repulsive, but the Ugandans love it. It's basically flour and water and corn..I think. It looks like a white sponge. Sauce is also served at every meal. Sauce is either cow peas, meat sauce, beans or g-nuts. G-nuts are my personal favorite. They're very similar to peanuts, but they're red in color. They mash them up, add some water and it produces a nice purple mush of stuff! I have also learned to by spices at the market such as garlic or chili powder to add some flavor to the rice. After lunch, I spend most of my time doing homework or walking into town if I need to buy anything. There's also a nice little fruit stand on campus where I can buy a bag of the world's best fruit for 1,000 shillings (about 11cents). Once in a while I like to treat myself to that.

I finish doing work around 6:30 and head to dinner around 6:45. Dinner is usually the same as lunch. There's always rice and sauce. As an added bonus, there's usually either irish potatoes or sweet potatoes and a VEGSTABLE!! Praise God! After dinner, it's chill time. I hang around the dorms and spend time getting to know the other USP students the Ugandans living in my dorm. We have evening fellowships certain nights of the week and other nights we watch movies or just hang out. Anywhere from 10-12 I end up falling asleep.

Everyday is a new day and a day in which I can open my eyes and see the bright blue sky. It has begun raining during the week and this past weekend on my way to a field trip with my art class I saw the most beautiful rainbow. The colors were so bright and in that moment I was reminded of where I am. I am presently in Africa where the colors of life are exploding in my soul. I would have never imagined that God would call me to Africa at such a time as this. Africa seemed so far in the future for me, but what's time in the kingdom of heaven? As I look out the window and look at the sky, I am so thankful for my everyday life here. While it may not sound so exciting, there's something new in each day that illuminates with God's magnificence. Eight two. Thirty five. One hundred and seventeen. They are just numbers to me now. I find that I'm mostly focusing on the colors of life rather than the hours, days, weeks and months. It will be a bitter sweet good-bye for me when April 30th rolls around and I come home. Until then, I am enjoying everyday life in Uganda and I hope you are able to get a little insight as to what that may look like.

As a heads up, my next blog topic will most likely discuss what to expect from me when I do return home. I am borrowing this idea from a friend: if you want to hear my stories, set up a coffee date with me. If you don't like coffee, you can drink something else, but I am so coffee deprived it's unreal! Anyone who wants to chat, I will make time to do so. What I mention in my blog and what you may see on facebook are only a slight reflections of my experiences. There's much more to be said and many emotions to share that are found behind the scene. I can't promise that I will tell you what you want to hear, and I can't really tell you all about Africa. What I can do I share with you about Mukono, Uganda and my journey over the last four months. I pray God's blessing over all of you and thank you for your support during my time here. Your thoughts and prayers have made my time here beyond anything I could have imagined.



SEVEN SECOND VERSION
I just raddled on about my everyday life here and explained that my life is revolving around colors rather than the ticking of the clock.

Surrendering to a True, Raw Compassionate Mindset

"When Jesus was moved to compassion, the source of all life trembled, the ground of all love burst open, and the abyss of God's immense, inexhaustible, and unfathomable tenderness revealed itself."

-Henri Nouwen, Compassion

 

 

          For the past few weeks, my core class entitled Faith & Action has been reading through a book called Compassion by Henri Nouwen (among other authors) and discussing the deep but familiar concept of compassion. After reading the book and spending these last few weeks diving further into the idea, I have discovered that my view on compassion was so elementary and so off focus from what I now know and understand. While I believe compassion is an all or nothing kind of life-style, I think it is a simple and easy concept...as long as you are willing to go all in and find yourself wrestling with many uncomfortable situations. How much of yourself are you willing to give up to follow this way of life? How faithfully do are you willing to follow in the footsteps of Christ? Where are you going to turn when the way of compassion brings you face to face with ugly and tragic situations? Essentially compassion is love, right? How can loving others be so difficult? After all, it is one of the greatest commandments. I believe compassion, true, raw compassion is about total surrender. Compassion is about letting go and letting God. Compassion is about filling yourself completely with Christ's love and saying yes to the struggles and obstacles that come along with walking in that love. Compassion is a beautiful thing, but I've learned it requires more than sending a sympathy card or taking the time out of you busy day to pray over the sick.

 

           In the first chapter of the book, the authors focus on "Emmanuel," God-with-us. When talking about those longing for compassion, the poor, the sick, the unfortunate, the lonely, the depressed, God is with us. The authors write, "It does not mean that God solves our problems, shows us the way out of confusion, or offers answers for our many questions. God might do all of that, but the solidarity of God consists in the fact that God is willing to enter with us into our problems, confusions and questions." I believe God is an all powerful, all loving God, but I also believe He is a God who wants His children to seek after Him, receive His gifts, and find comfort in His outstretched arms. I have learned that this concept of Emmanuel is the basis for entering into full compassion.

 

          The book continues to reflect on the life of Jesus, and how he was moved with compassion. Christ's love is what led him to perform the miracles and healings he did. He didn't so such things to become popular or to gain recognition. He did those things to reveal the nature of God the Father and display the love found in his heart. Jesus went and humbled himself to be with the sick. He went to the diseased. He suffered and took on persecution because of his great love and compassion to the poor. For example, you can read the story about the woman at the well in John 4. Jesus went to the woman who was drawing water from the well and immediately he asked her for a drink. Jesus leveled himself with the poor woman and asked her for the exact thing that she was in need of. He was moved into compassion and used his love to lead her closer the God. Christ suffered and paid the ultimate price. He took all the ugly, all the stings of life and hung them on the cross with him. He felt our pain. He didn't rise above it. Jesus Christ lived a humble life of servanthood. He experienced humiliation and degradation to have his heart poured out over all the people of the world.

 

          What if we all lived a life like Christ? What if we all loved the way he loved? I believe that if we live the life he lived, we too need to enter into periods of suffering and pain, all while remembering Emmanuel.  The book talks about competitiveness and how most often people enter into situations and instead of humbling themselves they automatically assume they are of higher levels or of higher power than the people they are seeking to help. Most people have a competitive nature and can't help but walk into situations assuming they're the savior and can't wait to gain recognition for the great works they've done. Did Christ look for recognition? No. He looked to love and to bless the hopeless. None of us are saviors. None of us should be seeking a pat on the back for giving a homeless man a few bucks. To simply be among the poor, the sick, the sufferers, to give them your time, to humble yourself as a servant, a friend, to be a present day Jesus..that's what it means to be compassionate.

 

          Being truly compassionate, walking in the way of love like Christ did opens you up to vulnerability. It opens you up to an unknown realm. It takes you to a place of surrender where faith, patience and humility become key virtues. Being truly compassionate, moving into action, requires you live among the least of these. It requires you to live among the least of these, not visit for a short time and go back to living your life of luxury. Imagine yourself being among the least of these? How would that change your everyday life? It sure as heck doesn't entail you laying on a nice beach chair as you dig your toes in the sand listening to the sound of the ocean. A life of compassion may lead you to live in raw, dark poverty. It may require you to walk hand in hand with the sick. It may require you to step out into faith and trust that God's love is all you really need.

 

"Here we see what compassion means. It is not bending toward the underprivileged for a privileged position; it is not a reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull. On the contrary, compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there. God's compassion is total, absolute, unconditional, without reservation. It is the compassion of the one who keeps going to the most forgotten corners of the world, and who cannot rest as long as there are still human beings with tears in their eyes. It is the compassion of a God who does not merely act as a servant, but who expresses the divinity of God through servanthood."

 

 

          Compassion is a beautiful thing, both in giving and receiving. It's a hard thing to surrender to, but when you look into the eyes of the least of these, you will find Jesus. He's there. He's with them. He's with you. He's in you. His love is completely mind-blowing and completely unfathomable. I realize I may have been a little radical or extreme describing the places compassion may take you, but the truth is compassion may actually take you to those places. As Christians, I believe it is our duty to return to others the love that Christ has freely given us. John 16:33 says, "In this world you will have struggles, but take heart I have overcome the world." The Bible says we will have struggles. We will face challenges, but God has overcome the world and through His spirit inside of us, we too have claimed that victory. Walk in love. Live compassionately. Surrender to God and embrace the tenderness of your Father's heart. 

 

 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

 

 

 

 

 

Seven Second Version

Walk in love and be among the least of these. Compassion is more than sending a sympathy card in the mail.

 

 

 

PS. I come home sweet home in 50 days!

 

          

Lesson Learned From African Time

All my life I had an agenda. I set goals for myself and I made sure I reached them. I set expectations and always needed to know what was ahead of me. Except for that time in the 6th grade when I wanted to be a lawyer, I knew I wanted to be a teacher. As I began to grow in Christ, I realized my passion for teaching is far more than wanting to have high school students learn about social studies. I believe my passion for teaching is rooted in ministry. I want nothing more than to speak Christ's love into the life's of others and inform them of the truth behind the gospel. I want to see the kingdom of heaven come to life on earth in a powerful and radical way. I want to see joy explode in children and help set them up for their destiny with their father. I have no idea when, where, or how that is going to play out in my life. I have no idea what my ministry is going to look like. For the first time in my life I don't have a plan, and God is telling me to be patient. His timing is perfect.

Being in Africa has taught me that it is ok not to have an agenda. There's a phrase here that says, "there's no hurry in Africa." Taken literally, no one and nothing is ever on time here so it's a pretty humorous statement. But when I think about where I am in life, where my passion lies and wondering how it's all going to be possible to achieve my own destiny in Christ, I'm reminded through the African culture that there is no hurry. This semester in Uganda has taught me to enjoy the present. I don't know the answer for my life, but I do know who the answerer is. God has my life mapped out so perfectly. For the first time, I don't know what's going to happen next. I don't even have a summer job lined up, but God is preparing an amazing opportunity for me at home this summer. While I am still agenda minded, I am ok with the unknown, no expectations. I know who I am and I know whose I am, and through that I know God is going to far exceed any dream, goal, or plan I have for my life. I know my final destination and I know my God is ever so faithful. There's no hurry, and I have finally submitted to that. As I continue to pray for patience, I trust in Jesus Christ to lead me down the path that has been set up for me from the creation of the world.


April 5th is my last day of classes. April 17th, I leave for Rwanda and April 30th I fly back home. With just a little over a month's worth of class time left, I realize my time here is very short. I don't want to miss out on a single moment that God has prepared for me. While I am coming to terms with an unknown future, I am also coming to terms with what it means to be fully in the present. This semester has presented me with some of the hardest, most emotionally draining times of my life, but somehow the good Lord has still overpowered those moments with joy. I am so happy to be where I am. I am so humbled and so blessed by this experience. In fact, I wouldn't change a thing, not even the hard times. Through those times, I have drawn closer to the heart of Christ and He has seated me on the shores of grace where the waves are so powerful and so beautiful.

So what does it mean, then, to be in the present? African time and their idea of presence has pushed me to think about this question. To me, being in the present is soaking in my surroundings. It's enjoying the company of those around me, even if my mind is reverting to things outside of my current place. Being in the present is finding Jesus in every person, every object, every gust of wind, every raindrop, every ray of sun or reflection from the moon. It's submitting yourself to uncertainties. It's surrendering previous thoughts and emotions and choosing joy because through Christ, I have the ability to change any atmosphere. Being in the present is a gift. It's scary because if I'm fully in the present, I don't know what is going to happen next. Being in the present is surrendering and trusting in God having hope and faith that He truly does have my life in the palm of His hands. Being in the present is a beautiful thing. It has taught me to let go and to simply live.

 

"This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1John 3:19

I pray that all of you may find joy in the unknown and rest in the presence. God is faithful and God is good and I am blown away and humbled by his grace. Live life as Christ has prepared it for us. It's a beautiful thing.




Seven Second Version
The unknown is scary, but God is in control. The present is here and now and finding peace in the here and now is finding a place of rest in Christ.